When I discovered Human Design, I was so excited to dive into what it means to be a Generator. Following the sacral response, embracing binary questions and stepping into all the life force energy in an aligned way. It felt like the biggest revolution in my world and so I couldn’t understand why now, there was even more friction with my son (who was 8 at the time)!
As a solo parent, I have always had a very special relationship with Archie. We have travelled so much as he has been world schooled (before settling back in the UK) and we have always worked well together. So what happened between me becoming more aligned and him … well, not?
Simple … I was showing up for Archie as a Generator. Of course I had looked at his chart but in those heady days of rediscovering myself (if you know your Human Design, you know this too), I hadn’t fully considered how this would work for him as a Manifestor.
I would ask him “do you want porridge or a smoothie?”
He would answer “no!”
To begin with, it feel so frustrating, until I realised he was course-correcting me because he is a lot more embodied in being a Manifestor than I was in being a Generator parent to a Manifestor!
Eventually, I would get an answer, in his own time “Mom … I will have a smoothie now please”. Simple … I was informed. He didn’t need to respond in the same way I do.
His splenic authority would also be very present when I would ask questions like “would you like to go to the beach tomorrow?” and Archie would answer with “I don’t know … ask me tomorrow”. Of course!
The thing is, the more I understood myself AND Archie, the more harmony was created. I understood his anger, his expression, his initiation and his informing me. I also understood his 2 energy requiring hibernation and his lack of consistent sacral energy needing to relax. Knowing this allowed me to create patterns and rituals that serve both of us in an empowered way.
Until … the harmony was rocked.
After covid, we settled back into the UK and in 2022, Archie started secondary school. This little Manifestor babe now had freedom and of course, a Manifestor loves freedom. But at 11, there is more freedom but not as much as Archie wanted. The boundary “tussle” was very real.
How do you create boundaries for a Manifestor experiencing their first taste of freedom whilst honouring they are still a child?
Well, I am not a parenting expert, but I will tell you what has worked for me … so far!
Patience. Lots of it. Explaining the same thing over and over in a calm way.
Increasing freedom a little at a time whilst making sure he is also building responsibility at the same time. Eventually, he wasn’t that bothered about having it.
Allowing initiation and informing elsewhere … maybe even as simple as “choose what we have for dinner” or by saying yes when he makes other requests (some I wouldn’t have said yes to previously).
Understanding yourself so that you know what you need too.
Fill your cup first. Cliche but so true. I prioritised my resilience through self-care. I am also very grateful to have some incredible friends who listened as I cried, supported me as I figured it out and cheered me on when I had breakthroughs.
And of course, there are no coincidences so even as I write this, Archie has asked to stay up past bedtime. I have said no and explained why … school, sleep is important, blah blah blah. The reply was “I wish I could live by myself with my own rules”! And so it continues!
What a beautiful journey of parenting to truly understand your children and how best to acknowledge and support them … so that they know themselves better too.
1 Comment
This touched me very deeply as my son must have felt so lonely and misunderstood for the last 24years. It doesn’t surprise me that he’s ended up with an autism/adhd label. A human design chart would have been so helpful when my kids were born xx